I accepted a job this morning and I haven't told anyone at work and I keep almost texting people about it.

So back in June I went for the team lead role, and my manager was the one who told me to apply in the first place and said I was the obvious person for it, and then they gave it to Tom, who's been there two years and who I trained myself, because I sat next to him for about a fortnight when he started and went through the whole reporting system with him line by line since nobody else had time to do it.

The feedback was that I need to work on my executive presence, which I still don't really understand, and when I asked what that meant in practice he said they were after somebody who "commands a room." I've counted since. There are nine people on our leadership team and eight of them are blokes, so make of that what you will.

Then about a fortnight after Tom moved into the role they asked me to write his onboarding plan, and I said yes, and I genuinely couldn't tell you why I said yes, I just sat down and did it, a whole proper document with headings and everything. There's a line in it where I've booked him a session with me on the reporting system, which is the same thing I taught him two years ago, and I typed my own name into the key contacts section at the bottom.

I redid my CV that weekend and I've been quietly interviewing since July.

Spring rolls, rice, some sort of beef in gravy and a bit of veg on the side, eating on my own to celebrate like an absolute weirdo.

The new place is ELEVEN GRAND more and a proper step up, and the woman who interviewed me used to do the exact job I'm walking into, which felt like something.

Notice goes in Monday.

My boyfriend's mother has been on a video call at our table for every meal we've eaten since we moved in together thirteen months ago. Not most meals, every single one. The phone goes up at about half seven and she stays for the whole thing.

It started because she'd just had a hip replacement and was on her own, and he wanted to keep an eye on her while he ate, which was completely fair at the time. That was February last year. The hip healed months ago and she does a pilates class on Wednesdays now, so she is objectively fine.

At home he props the phone against the salt grinder so she can see both of us. She has views on how we're sitting. She once told him his shoulders looked tense and asked whether I'd been stressing him out.

What I hadn't quite reckoned with is that it isn't only at home. We went out tonight, to a place round the corner that we both like, and he had the phone propped against the napkin holder before we'd even ordered. Other tables could hear her. A waitress had to reach around it to put my plate down.

Then she said "oh, is that a restaurant one again," and then said to him, not to me, "you're not eating properly, are you."

Afterwards I said as evenly as I could manage that I'd like to eat one meal a week without his mum there, and he said "she's not there, she's on a screen."

THIRTEEN MONTHS. Four hundred odd meals and she has been at every single one of them.

i got pregnant when i was 13. it came as a complete shock to me and my family were less than pleased but they told me they’d support me if i kept it. it was a little girl and i was going to call her daria. it was the name of a book character that i absolutely loved

i was so excited to be a mom. i bought loads of toys and clothes for her and used my savings to buy her a little cot. then at 4 months old, i miscarried in bed. i didn’t know what was happening at first. there was so much blood and i honestly thought i was giving birth early

my parents were at work so i was home alone. i was prepared to give birth alone but i was just a clueless kid. i wasn’t giving birth, i was miscarrying. i still remember the hospital visit. i remember the burial. i remember EVERYTHING

my parents have never treated me the same. i know i disappointed them, and they never speak about it. her father cut me off and told me he was never prepared to deal with all of this. we’ve tried again a couple times since but it’ll never be the same. it’s just like my little girl never existed. but she existed to me

we moved towns but i travel almost 2 hours once a week to visit her. i have a tattoo dedicated to her too and i don’t think my heart will ever stop hurting for her. i never knew her but i miss her

i decided to work with children to try and heal myself and my room recently had a teen mum bring her child in. i’m so ashamed of how jealous i felt, how jealous i still feel. that should have been me and my daughter. i get so envious whenever i see a young mom and her daughter in public

she would have been 8 now and not a day goes by when i don’t think of her. i miss her

Context recap for those who haven't red my previous post: I’m currently packing up and moving out of the house my ex and I bought together, which he kept after our divorce, but where I’ve continued to live (on my own) for two years under the terms of the agreement we reached during the separation. I’m estranged from my toxic family, partly due to the drama he caused, and I’m finally moving in with my new partner.

So, my ex-husband and I are wrapping up the final logistics of me moving out. Everything was going smoothly until he texted me with a classic lead-in: "Hey, sorry to ask, I've been thinking about this for a while... feel free to say no, but do you remember that copy of The Lord of the Rings your parents gave us? Would you mind if I kept it as a sweet little memory of us?"

First of all, my parents didn't "give us" anything. That book belonged to my late grandfather who, as he knows very well, was basically the only family member I truly felt connected to. Since I no longer speak to my parents, that book is the only physical piece of my grandfather’s legacy I managed to keep.

Second of all, this isn't just "a copy of The Lord of the Rings." This is a vintage, numbered, limited edition (1.000 copies) release, printed on India paper, complete with a certificate of authenticity. It’s worth well over a thousand euros. He knows this, becasue we’ve literally discussed its financial value in the past, and (shocker) he’s currently broke.

If he wanted a sentimental keepsake from our marriage, there are a dozen random paperback books scattered around the house that he actually read during our trips or that were presents we gave each other on special occasions. I would have handed any of them over in a heartbeat. But no, he specifically asked for the rare, priceless, sentimental heirloom from my dead grandfather. I’d like to say I’m lost for words, but in fact I have plenty, and they’re all insults.

Naturally, I said no: my grandfather's book is coming with me to my new life, where it belongs. And, of course, he replied in a very smooth-talking way that I was doing the right thing (of course I was) and that, in fact, he was even grateful to me just for considering it (and it was very hard for me not to reply, "And I thank you for having the nerve to try and ask me that; thank you for making it easier for me every single day over the last two years to realise that life is so much better without you").

Cheers to girl dinner, which is actually lunch: potatoes & bacon frittata sandwich and rice.

EDIT: since many of you seem to be rightfully concerned, I was already home with the book when I got the message and I'm not moving from here today. Tomorrow the book will be brought to a safe place. I don't think he's going to steal it but I'm not taking chances with it! Thanks a lot to all of you for the comments and the investment in this story

​

I was a weird kid/currently a weird adult. Never fit in, struggled socially, bullied throughout my schooling (pretty mild but it's stuck with me and it was consistent).

My oldest son is 11 and he is so much like me that it kills me. He doesn't have any close friends and he's going into middle school this year. Everyday I wish for him to find just -one- good friend who gets him and will stick by his side, and want to hang out with him. I had one of those and she was my saving grace. I never put pressure on her to be my bff, she was pretty popular, and in fact it was usually me who had to cut our hang outs shorter because I'm a serious introvert lol. But we just clicked.

It hurts me so much to see my biggest struggles as a kid in my own child. He's funny, smart, awkward, kind, curious, introspective. I just want him to find his people in life.

Dinner: heavily salted baked crinkle fries with malt vinegar and ketchup

Throwaway account for privacy

Waffle, eggs, sausage, and a sweet tea.

I'm sitting at the diner we had our first date at and I'm hurting. Ever since we got engaged she has changed, she got angrier, more possessive, less patient, and i just dont recognize her anymore.

She started to tell me I can't dress up because people only do that to attract partners and that means I'd want to cheat if I dressed up. She told me she would leave if I ever wanted bottom surgery.

Her, being late twenties, called my 16 year old sister a "chud" for not getting a job. My sister moved in to get out of a physically and mentally abusive household. My partner has been out of a job for almost two years and does not even do dishes around the house.

She said she would leave if I didn't fix myself. She said at our wedding if anyone on her family misgendered or insulted me they would be asked to sit in the back. Not told to leave, not told to stop disrespecting her wife. Just sit in the back please. She asked once if I would stop my transitioning if it meant making her happy, and when I said no she got mad at me.

She said that if i were to ever leave her it would, "not end well for either of us." Among other threats in reguarfs to both of our health and livelihood. One night she asked if I wanted to have sex and I said no, she then climbed on top of me and started groping me and kissing me and telling me I belong to her. I sat there disassociating and realized this isn't what I want

After all these things she constantly says how much she loves me, and how she's never loved anyone more than me. How she can't wait to spend the rest of her life with me. How im all she's ever wanted.

I don't feel safe talking to her, I don't feel safe telling her im done face to face. I just want to run away. I'm tearing myself apart mourning a relationship im still in. How could I do this to someone I love, someone I was willing to comit my life to?

Acai bowl w peanut butter & granola

So over this summer I realized I regret getting married last fall :( my husband and I have been together for 8.5 years since we were 16 in HS. Living together 3 years. Things were fine, over the years I mean I had a couple times I wanted to break up, but I guess I just “chickened” out. He’s not a bad person at all and he loves me SO much, but I don’t think we want the same future. He wants to settle down and have kids, and I recently turned 25 and now I feel like I really don’t want kids (I was never excited about having kids but we have talked about it in the past/ been on the same page. And I knew that was the next step after marriage and had originally accepted it) I also want to experience more and travel for my job, also move away from our hometown which he doesn’t want to do.

I think whats been nagging me the most is that I really crave being alone. Like my own apartment, my own space that is only for me. We kind of discussed this back in May and he was seriously so devastated. I told him I would try to work on our marriage, I’ve had a couple sessions of therapy and everything. But work is very busy for me this summer and I’ve been away a lot on my own and I love it so much. I feel terrible but I’ve kind of been neglectful the last couple weeks and he can tell and he’s getting upset about it. I don’t want to do anything or even be touched (i was never big on physical touch before tho) and this guilt is seriously eating me alive. I feel like I can’t leave him, and I’m scared to talk to him about this. I really don’t want to hurt him so I’m putting this off and it’s getting worse :( I feel like breaking down just typing this I feel like the worst person.

Turkish coffee & goat cheese dates. I just returned from a far away trip with my husband (10+ flight)- we traveled with our good friends and their four kids under four. We specifically did this to help them have a vacation, to see family who live far away as well, and we love them dearly so we were glad to do it. They also helped pay for some of our costs as an exchange for help, so this is not a post to complain about them.

It was a LOT though. If we hadn’t been with them, they’d probably never been able to leave the hotel and even us being there….leaving the hotel was limited because of fussy kids and their schedules. Every meal out was torturous. All this to say….

I login to instagram today after being offline for vacation and the first post i see is some mom captioning a video of her son eating spaghetti in paris with “you can’t travel with kids? lies. Here’s my son being an absolute vibe in Paris.”

🙄

Like miss girl, no one is saying you can’t travel with kids, most people just say the truth that it does make it harder. Post the pic of him crying on the plane or refusing to sit still, or the picture of you at dinner at 4pm - as to not disturb his sleep schedule - and being tethered to your hotel room while he sleeps, or the picture of you crying because he refuses to listen and no one is helping you or he only wants you to help him (because guys all of us, adults included, cried at some point during this trip lmao). I know it’s rage bait potentially, so consider me hooked lol

I just think it’s kind of cruel when influencers post crap like this because it definitely makes other moms wonder why their travel with kids was so hard then. Also, not all travel is created equal - I’m sure some of these influencers pay for nannies to come on the trip, private jets or first class, and other things to eliminate the discomforts. Idk. It also just pisses me off because i love kids but they make travel exponentially more costly, inconvenient, and less adventurous and that’s OK. Kids bring other great things to travel - their excitement for the mundane parts of the trip and their boredom of the cool parts always makes me giggle, the gift shops that the parents hate but as a fun auntie i love, their sweet laughters and joy, etc…..but let’s be real about what those things are. Because it will not be a vibe 100% of the time i can tell you that for free lol

And now they (both cheaters) are married to each other. All happened in the span of about 6 months.

I’m still mad about it, months later. The friend who got cheated on is doing alright, but still hurt. She’s more upset about our other friend’s betrayal than anything, which I totally agree with. We’d all been friends for years, even lived together for a year.

I don’t wish them happiness. I hope God or someone else carries out justice. I hope they get what they deserve.

Dinner is pizza + movie night snacks! We’re watching Pirates of the Caribbean 🏴‍☠️(Reposting because I accidentally broke the sub rules last time)

Dinner: grilled chicken thighs with roasted sweet potatoes and asparagus.

I think I’ve been feeling very alone in the friend department for a while and I haven’t really acknowledged it, until today. And I think I’m only acknowledging it today because my partner saw messages between me and ChatGPT.

For context, I recently moved to a very rural area to be with my partner. To help with the move and settling in, I decided to take the summer off to fully embrace it and enjoy the summer before I start working full time again in the fall. Which means I don’t have a workplace to potentially meet new people/make friends. Moving meant that I had to quit my workplace of 10+ years and leave my close circle of family and friends. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. What I really wasn’t prepared for, was how trying it was going to be on my adult friendships.

I’ve never felt like I’ve had that “best friend” in my adult life. Like that childhood best friend - that one person that you can go to anything and everything about. Within my one core friend group (7) I’ve always felt like the odd one out. It’s either all of us hanging out, or me plus 2 others. It’s never been one on one hangouts with any of them even though there would be one on one hangs out all the time with others in the group. I feel like I’m always the one to put effort in, whether it be trying to make plans, planning big birthday parties, dinner, etc. And when it comes to others making plans, I feel like I’m always the last person to know. Because of this dynamic, it has made me reach out to others from completely different groups to befriend (which I am very grateful for) but I still feel like I’m missing that best friend.

Since moving here about 4 months ago, I’ve had one friend come to visit me. I’ve went home multiple times to visit family and have met up with a few from the “core group”when I would go home, but no one else has come or even mentioned any plans of trying to come and visit me.

Now, I admit - I use ChatGPT ever so often. Whether it’s to get quick answers to something, to turning pictures into something funny, I use it. And recently I’ve been having full on conversations with it. I didn’t realize how crazy it was until my partner saw.

When my partner saw the messages, I felt immediate embarrassment. My stomach dropped, my face felt hot and my armpits were sweating. It’s like I was caught watching p*rn on my parent’s computer. He didn’t have the best reaction - he was pretty quick to judge (which fair enough!!). I just started crying hysterically which I think shocked him. He then asked me if I was okay, which I answered with “I think I just realized how lonely I am.”

It all came to me so quick, but I think I’ve been slowly grieving my adult friendships for a while a now. I’m feeling very guilty for using AI as a confidante. I love my partner, and I’m grateful for my him and our relationship, but a girl needs girlfriends. Meeting new people and making friends is so hard as an adult.

Quick update: I hear everyone in the comments with concerns around AI regarding our environment and overall wellbeing. I also empathize with those that use it in the same way I have. I have deleted the app and will be more mindful going forward, but be kind to each other. There’s a reason why so many people are lonely nowadays. Being kind goes a long way. Thank you to everyone who’s commented and are sending well wishes! ❤️

this was a few months ago, i no longer work there thank GOD, i just still get pissed about this story and thought reddit would enjoy it. i walked into a room after clocking in and said 3 sentences- “good morning,” a 3-word life update, and “i’m gonna go do (thing i’m assigned to do).” i walked out. i got a text from one of the coworkers who was in that room. it read as follows: “(my name) already starting with her annoying ass shit.” oh! ew! absolutely not! i walked RIGHT back in there and not so gently informed him he had just sent that to the wrong person. he went wide eyed and started insisting he didn’t mean it, he’s just in a mood this morning, blah blah blah. i stormed out dramatically to go do the thing i was gonna do. he texted me begging for me to come back. i did and let him do the whole song and dance of apologizing and hugging me (edit: only because he just went for it and i didn’t know what to do 😭) just so it’d be over with and resolved. i moved on, but i never forgot.

honey garlic pork belly with vietnamese udon

putting this out there just in case PLEASE NOBODY POST THIS STORY ON TIKTOK OR A PODCAST OR ANYWHERE PLEASE

also here’s the recipe for the pork belly! https://youtube.com/shorts/cTj8Vr45Kpo?is=iP14v5jKlZaIlL3S

I made a huge breakthrough in my agoraphobia recovery journey. I went from being housebound with debilitating anxiety to being able to go out and enjoy a meal at a restaurant with very little anxiety. I never thought I would get this far.

Going out to eat is something simple that most people don’t think twice about but for me, it was a huge step in recovering from agoraphobia. I’ve been working so hard pushing myself out of my comfort zone with exposure therapy and it’s finally paying off. I feel like so many new doors are opening for me and I’m finally able to have my life back.

Would YOU believe these were accidental joins?

Okay Girl Dinner, I need opinions. I swear my life has turned into something that's not real life.

But here we aree.

Tonight’s dinner is creamy potato, broccoli and ham soup with a baguette, because apparently when your marriage hands you an unexpected sexuality crisis, you add carbs and carry on.

Some background because I feel like it matters. I struggled with infertility for over TEN YEARS before finally having my babies. I made major changes to my body, my health, my lifestyle and basically my entire life trying to get pregnant.

Then I finally did and pregnancy was HARD on me. A complete bitch. Gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, complications, all of it. My second pregnancy was especially rough and our baby ended up in the NICU.

Now I have TWO UNDER TWO, and somehow during all of this I’ve also kept building a career in civil engineering, worked demanding jobs, dealt with long commutes and handled a whole lot of military wife solo parenting.

Basically, I’ve spent years trying to be a good wife, a good mama, build a career I’m proud of and keep everybody alive and reasonably happy at the same time

Meanwhile military wife life is basically, “Congratulations, here’s your husband. Just kidding, we’re taking him back.”

And our bedroom situation hasn’t exactly been great either.

Which unfortunately becomes pretty relevant here 🙃

My husband was getting ready to leave on an almost YEAR LONG IA assignment to a combat zone. He missed his original flight and was rescheduled to leave the next day.

We’ve always had open access to each other’s phones, so I opened his email looking for the updated itinerary for his replacement flight because I was trying to figure out when I had time to go to our cabin in the North Carolina mountains to meet my parents and family.

I was not snooping. I was literally looking for a flight confirmation. Instead, I found Meetup emails.

And that’s how I discovered my husband had JOINED TWO DATING GROUPS. One was a gay men’s dating group. The other was some “find your lifelong partner” group shit. NO OTHER GROUPS

Y’all.

Y’ALL.

And before anybody goes there, this is NOT about there being anything wrong with being gay or bisexual. That isn’t the issue.

The issue is that MY MARRIED HUSBAND WAS IN DATING GROUPS. And one was gay and he's supposed to be straight?? Did he forget he had a wife??

Evidently, if he did forget, it was in June cause that's when I found the mettup email that said he logged in with Facebook for the first time and shared his info. Which is during the time we've been living separately by the way

I'm the woman raising your children. The woman you married. The woman apparently unaware that applications had reopened for a lifelong partner.

His explanation is that he joined Meetup looking for hiking groups and friends and somehow didn’t intentionally join these. He says he doesn’t know how it happened.

And yes, I checked. These weren’t just recommendations or random groups Meetup showed him. His account showed that he had JOINED them.

I don’t have proof he cheated. I didn’t find messages. I don’t have a smoking gun. But I sure as hell have smoke. And now my brain is reopening every file. And I'm a woman so yall know i remember EVERYTHING

The bedroom issues. The distance. Every time I wondered whether something had changed between us. Every time I questioned myself or or thought maybe I just needed to try harder to get us back to where we used to be.

Because I have put so much of myself into building this family. I spent more than a decade trying to become a mother, completely overhauled my life to make it happen, went through two brutal pregnancies, and now I’m raising two babies under two while working and holding things together through military separations.

The TIMING is what’s KILLING me too. Seriously, fuck me. In the ass. With no lube. He's probably already doing that to some dude though, am I right?

He had already missed his original flight and was leaving on the replacement flight THE VERY NEXT DAY for almost a YEAR.

I was just trying to go to the mountains, y’all.

Help 😭

(strawberry tres leches)

I made a friend and few months ago because we had a lot of mutual friends. We started hanging out and texting a ton, just together and as a group. She even got hired at the same job as me (...quitting less than 2 weeks later as a no call no show, which quite literally cost me a supervisor position i had applied for, but thats another story) She noticed I liked one of our friends, so we would talk about that a lot. We both thought he liked me too. Initially she was very supportive, but as we started hanging out as a group more that changed. She started telling me he wasn't into me and I should get over it; he's like that with everyone. Him and I had a weird back and forth thing going for months, so i had decided she was probably right. She had a long-term boyfriend at the time, so I didnt think much of it. She ended up breaking up with him (not before cheating on him though!) and within 2 months, she was dating the guy I liked.

Shortly after she started dating him, she claimed to be diagnosed with the same autoimmune disease as me. I say claimed because when she was talking about her diagnosis, she was talking about completely different tests that have nothing to do the disease. its also completely invisible, so theres no way to know. but of course, she has to tell everyone how hers is *much* worse than mine (despite the fact I was completely bedridden for years because of it, but sure)

I recently told our friends about my new job and within 24 hours she withdrew from the school she was attending and instead enrolled in a school for my profession. She has already been in school for multiple years for her degree, but decided to change her career path within days of me starting my new job.

It's reached the point where many of our friends have noticed the pattern and reached out to me about it. Not just the copying, but their relationship. There's been a lot of concern from our friends that she may not actually like him and just started dating him to prove she could. I feel like if I say anything, im just going to look bitter because shes dating the guy I used to like. I feel like ive lost so many good friends because nobody wants to call her out, but I feel too uncomfortable around her to hang out with them. not to mention the snide remarks she makes about me ("subtly" calling me fat, insecure, implying I only got my job through nepotism). and the strangest part to me is shes so beautiful and interesting on her own. I was so excited to make a cool new friend and I dont understand why she feels the need to copy (admittedly very strange) aspects of my life. There's more examples but I just shared the strangest ones. Don't really knw what to do about this lmao I feel like its just going to blow up one day. But, for my friends' sake, I do hope everything works out in the end, and she just leaves me alone.

Once again, I'm giving sobriety another shot. I always say "this time for real" and then relapse, rinse and repeat. I'm so tired of this. It's Friday evening and so far I'm feeling good but weekends are a huge trigger for me so I know it'll get harder at some point, but I know I'm running out of redos so I need to do better frfr

Mozzarella cheese, asiago cheese, oyster crackers, ginger snaps, and Capri Sun as my emotional support beverage

Update: thank you all for your kindness and support I didn't expect all this 🥹🥰 I will try to reply to everyone eventually but I'm tired. Also my sober day counter app just gave me the 5 day milestone notification, not sure why the time is weird on it so now I'm confused lol but ayyyy 🥳

A cheese quesadilla with a lil salsa sauce!

Ya’ll may have seen a previous post of mine where I shared my boyfriend’s cheating kink.

We are ENM and have pretty loose and open boundaries when it comes to other sexual relationships. However, up until this week it’s been strictly sexual.

We both really enjoy the dynamic of me “cheating” sexually, me “going behind his back,” not telling him where I’m going or being weird about it, being “secretive.”

Typically I just have FWB’s or do hookups. This last week he brought up liking the idea of me going a step further and going on dates with other guys and spending more time with them. He said he loves that other guys spoil me, want to take me out and the idea of me “hiding” this from him.

He says he dreams of getting the “your girl is busy” text.

I honestly am enjoying opening it up further and having more connections & friends beyond just having sex. It was a little weird getting used to it, but now that we’re in the swing of it I’m actually loving it. He does, too.

We also recently opened his side of things as well, before he didn’t sleep with others. It has taken some weight off my shoulders of being his only partner while I have more than one and given him room to explore kinks and partners that aren’t particularly my type. (He’s BI and has a much different taste in men.)

Anyway, this is all relatively new but we’re both loving it. He travels a lot for work so it gives us both the opportunity to connect, have affection and make friends while he’s traveling.

I’m just so happy with how well it’s going in terms of this dynamic.

Pic is cold ramen (Hiyashi Chuuka) with imitation crabs, ham, tomatoes, cucumber, and fried eggs.

Sorry if this post isn't heavy like the other posts as it's meant to be a lighthearted rant.

So, when my hubby (32M) and I (30F) got back from our vacation in Japan, he couldn't be bothered to get his toothbrush from his bag and borrowed mine. He told me this right after he used it and of course I was like, "ew, no" and opened a new one for myself as we have extras in our bathroom cabinet, so he can keep using mine idc.

Fast forward weeks later when we were taking a shower together like we do every now and then, I grabbed my new toothbrush and he said "wait, I thought that one's mine" he thought that I opened a new one for him since I didn't like him using my toothbrush. I was like, "No, I got a new one because you used my old one!" So I opened 2 new toothbrushes for the both of us. Problem solved.

Last week, I watched him drink water from a water bottle and he was just so sexy and fine? (I might have been ovulating idk) So I asked him for some water and he handed me a bottle. I scoffed and demanded he "feed" me, so I drank water straight from his mouth and it was so hot. Don't ask me why that was hot for me but sharing the toothbrush was disgusting, I can't answer that.

Sorry, this is just a rant about how much I fucking love being a lesbian !!!!!!

I love women sooooo much.

They’re so cute, their skin is so soft, they smell good, they’re pretty, they’re warm, like I’m sorry HOW am I supposed to act normal about any of this???

wlw relationships are insanely deep and passionate too. Like that’s literally my best friend and we’re in love and we make love??? hello???? 😭

When you’re with a woman, there’s just this level of understanding that feels so natural. We were raised dealing with a lot of the same standards and expectations, we move through the world in similar ways, so there are so many things you just get about each other without having to explain them.

The emotional intimacy, the softness, the intensity, the fact that we can meet another woman and somehow be sooo emotionally wrapped up in each other within a matter of hours or days. It just makes so much sense to me.

I know that being a lesbian can be hard because the world can be shitty and homophobic, but the actual experience of loving women??? Worth it. Every single time. I love women, I love loving women, I love being loved by women and I genuinely wouldn’t want it any other way.

Oh yeah, food : hummus & baked pita bread with zaatar seasoning; devouring this while rewatching modern family in bed for like the 7th time.

dinner at 5am - tofu kimbap, fried green beans, sesame noodles. it’s all microwaved food, too lazy to cook after an 11hr shift.

My dad cheated on my mom when I was in 4th grade. I don’t remember much because I was so young. Though, he had a burner phone that he used to message women. They got divorced and my dad started dating a woman (my stepmom) when I got into 6th grade.

In 2023 (I was 21), I caught my dad cheating on my stepmom. We go to the same gym, different hours so I’ve never seen him there before. I started a new job and ended up going at the time he went, there I caught him with a woman who obviously wasn’t my stepmom. My stepmom caught him cheating because he had another burner phone. No I didn’t tell my stepmom that my dad was with another woman at the gym, she found out the next day (she was secretly following him). They got a divorce in the following months.

Fast forward 2024, my dad and the woman from the gym elope and next thing I knew I had a 2nd step mom and new step siblings. My dad chose his new family over his own children, me and my older brother (27). He doesn’t talk to us anymore, he hardly calls or texts, even though he lives 15 minutes away from my brother and me. We get lunch once a week, but it’s 1hr max, which he’s always talking to us about bills or saving money. (which my brother and i both have over enough savings for our age)

Maybe it’s because I’m older now, so that’s why we hardly talk. But it was also like that with my 1st stepmom, even though I was younger he didn’t really hang out with his own children. He always chose the new family rather than his own, I don’t even have any memories with my dad.

It’s hard to like my dad. He cheated on my mom and stepmom, back in 2011(?) and then in 2023. And to think my mom always told me that he cheated on her, but I never believed my mom because I was a naïve child. But I guess that’s it, my brother and I were talking about this the other night so it’s been on my mind. I just had to get it off my chest.

My food is cold. :(

(veggie tacos)

^{Edit: I think there’s some confusion of what intersex means, (thank you for the “you are not a woman” comments, they were very sweet 😂}. ^{First, your chromosomes do not determine your gender, and if you wish to have strong opinions on the subject, I would suggest you learn a little more about it than the simplified version you were taught in 5th grade biology. Second, not that it matters, but as far as I’m aware, my chromosomes are female. My body just does silly things with hormones when left to its own devices. Trans women are 100% as valid as I am, although I don’t identify with that label. I was hesitant to make this clarification because I don’t want to look like I’m trying to validate myself by distancing myself from trans people, but I also think education is important.})

Ok, so integral to all of this - I (34F) am intersex, and for most of my life, I kind of lived between sexes without a foot planted too firmly in either, but I was often perceived as a very un-masculine male. In different phases of my life, people would often avoid gendering me at all because they didn't want to guess.

He would describe himself as gay, and I had fit into what he was interested in.

A couple years ago, I started making some more queer friends, and after hearing the experiences of people who have gone on HRT, I started to realize the role that hormones can have on mental health. My mental health had been awful since the start of puberty, and why no doctor ever told me that having high testosterone could cause all kinds of mental health issues is beyond me.

So I saw a doctor and decided to address it. Once I got my T levels down and E levels up, it was like night and day. I absolutely blossomed, both physically and mentally. It's been such a glow up that looking in the mirror still sometimes makes me well up - I can't believe such a pretty lady is staring back at me.

The issue is that when I was considering starting hormones, we had a discussion about it and he made a point to tell me that he "couldn't handle" me having any surgery *down there*. I won't go into what I've got going on down there, but you're welcome to use your imagination.

As things progressed, I very quickly departed from my start point. The androgyny is gone, and I'm exclusively gendered female. Not only that, but I'm really embracing my femininity in a way that I never have before. Like I'm coming to life for the first time. I used to consider myself to be basically nonbinary, but now I realize that couldn't be farther from the truth, that I'm very much a binary woman. I just had some hormone problems that confused the issue for a while.

I'm so, so confident now. I love who I am, I love going out into the world, I have actual friend groups and support systems for the first time since high school, and I just feel like a whole new person. But this is all in spite of my partner. Every step of the way, he has supported my autonomy, and has made it clear that he's happy for me and doesn't hold any ill feelings toward me for doing what was right for myself, but it's also been very clear that this has been difficult for him.

I have turned into someone that he's no longer attracted to. He said that by being with a woman, he feels like he's losing part of his identity. He said that when he goes out, he feels like some "schlubby straight guy". I asked him to clarify what he meant by that, and he waffled a little and took it back, so your interpretation is about as good as mine, but I think that he feels like I look like I'm out of his league now. The height difference doesn't help, because I'm 5'9" and he's 5'5". I don't see relationships in those terms at all, but he is obviously feeling some kind of way about it.

We're basically never intimate - we're like roommates who exchange the occasional kiss. Our relationship is basically over. And I'm about to put the final nail in it, because I'm currently trying to get an appointment with a surgeon to fix things up down there and make them female-typical. He's mentioned multiple times that this is basically a dealbreaker for him. He can't do it, but it's becoming increasingly important to me to get it done.

Here's the thing though

I'm not even upset with him. I just want him to be happy, and I want me to be happy. He deserves someone that he is attracted to, and I deserve someone who is attracted to me - not someone who is with me in spite of a lack of physical attraction. I love him so much, but increasingly like a friend. We've been through so much. We got together when we were 18 and 19. We've been poor together, started businesses together, bought property together. We own our home together. We are so good together. Our skillsets are complete opposites that meet right in the middle, and we really complete each other to make us a total power-couple. But that's not enough to make a romantic partner.

I'm so afraid. I'll have a hard time without him, and I don't know that he'll be alright without me. I don't know how to navigate this. I've been with him almost half my life. I've never really been an adult alone. I don't know how he'll take it. I don't know how much of our partnership we can (or should) maintain.

I'm scared, and heartbreakingly nostalgic for the time we've had together. I don't want it to be over, but it already is, we just haven't said it out loud yet. I'm also so excited for the future, and to be with someone who really loves who I am and supports me. Feeling every emotion right now really hard.

The tacos are really good though.

Edit: Thank you so much for all of the replies, you're all very sweet, and it really means a lot <3

Dinner from a few weeks ago because he's been encouraging me to eat more protein. (I'm a long-distance runner and formerly vegetarian, so I sometimes lose track.)

A few days ago, my boyfriend was teasing me about how badly I do cable management in my car. I've got a dashcam with lots of wires and a phone charger on my dash, so three different cables, one of which traverses the whole length of the car. I laughed right along with him and didn't think anything of it.

We were together last night for a church group meeting. Afterward, he told me he had something for me. It was a Ziploc bag of plastic clips. He got into my car and clipped and coiled and tucked away all those cables for me. When I opened the passenger door this morning to get something out, I couldn't even see where he'd put them.

I shouldn't be surprised. Earlier this week, I mentioned to one of our mutual friends that I couldn't complete a small task at work. Boyfriend apparently overheard. The next day, he sent me a message putting me in touch with someone who could help. He'd already talked to them and set things up so I could get it done right away.

I'm used to the stereotypical romantic gestures---the twelve red roses, the once-yearly declaration of love in a fancy Hallmark card, the quarterly expensive dinner. I'm not used to the man who picks up flowers on his way home from the grocery store, slips me Post-It notes when we're working together, makes a hot dinner for me after I travel, helps me be the best I can at work, and hides the cables in my car.

I think my parents are the only ones who've ever loved me like this before.

Image of fried Gyoza, Fruit Tea, Copia, and Maccaron.

I'm on moblie and did format this, but the app crushed it into a wall. Then my photo wasn't cropped well and I couldn't replace it without deleting the post, so here's a repost. Thank you if you you commented on the first post. I read 90% of them.

Goddam, this got long. Sorry.

Warning: Mentions of Death, Funeral, and Sexualization

It's been over a year and a half since this happened, and I still get so angry

when I remember it.

My Boyfriend died suddenly of a medical condition in our home.

During the week leading up to his funeral, his childhood friends were being so kind to me, and one specifically I asked to stay and help me exist. She had stayed with us before and I didn't feel comfortable being alone in our house, so I asked her to sleep over.

She is still new to being a woman, having started her transition a year prior, and I would be a source of advice for her (she asked me if she could ask me questions and help her with things like make up and clothes)

Well.

It's the day before the funeral, and our friend mentions to me that she's not sure what to wear to the funeral. In her words, she used these words this is her own language, she only owned "slutty" clothes. I started to tell her she was welcome to borrow my clothes if she felt uncomfortable with what she brought. She talks over me, not listening to me at all, saying a thought so blatantly hypersexualized I cannot fathom how she didn't hear how gross it was.

She goes "We should dress up as hot goth mommies. ( \*MY\* Dead boyfriend) would love hot goth mommies at his funeral." And she didn't stop repeating the words "hot goth mommies" (I need a rage room just typing this) until I told her to knock it off. Neither of us were 'mommies' in any sense of the word.

I again said "If you're not comfortable with the clothes you brought, I have some really pretty dresses you are welcome to try. Please, just stop saying that phrase, we're talking about a Funeral, please don't sexualize this."

Holy fuck, the phrase "hot goth mommies" makes me feel sick.

At a fucking FUNERAL?!? FOR REAL BEA? FOR FUCKING REAL???

This made me wonder if her only knowledge of what a woman even is just came from Porn and shitty HeteroCis relationships. No straight woman with an ounce of sanity would ever think "oh, my childhood friend died, I need to be Sexy at his funeral in front of his family and long time dedicated spouse."

The next day, we get ready for the viewing, and she's wearing an arguably inappropriate outfit (strappy top, short anime school girl style skirt and thigh-hi socks) and a veil. She looks like she's going to an emo concert at a skate park, and I had no energy or fucks to give to tell her to change.

The veil pissed me off more than her actual clothes did. Took me a month to realize why the veil pissed me off. Maybe it's cis culture, but the veil is a social signal. Only the Bride wears the veil at weddings, in funerals it signifies the wearer was close (blood relative like Mother, or spouse/offspring) to the deceased, it is not a casual accessory for anybody attending to sport.

I did not wear a veil, I didn't own anything nearly as nice as hers.

We go to the funeral home, and I have to explain to a few people why the friend was wearing a veil. Someone asked me who I was after staring at a 3 foot tall photo of my Boyfriend and I. When we leave the funeral home, we stop for sandwiches and get catcalled by a grody old man (legit 70s). Bea fawns at the attention, I snap at the man and tell him to fuck off as today was not the day. Friend is in awe of me. I am perplexed by her desire for the attention.

The next day she wore this outfit, veil and all, as a pallbearer, in a Catholic church.

She takes Eucarist like this, the preist visably confused. Our girl has zero idea how she's offended people, because she's lost in some 'victory over the transphobic church' delusion she immediately celebrates when we get in the car after the service. I tell her I can't feel anything for that at the moment, I just saw the man I love for the last time ever. We go to the repast, then home, she leaves for her apartment and life, and I start facing my future fully alone.

I get texts about her for weeks from my partner's relatives. They're appalled \*i\* "allowed it". I point out they could have stepped up for me and told her she was being inappropriate, why was dresscode my responsiablity around all the rest of funeral planning? I was carrying so much stress and grief, yet not one of the complainers had offered any help. I hate that I am still so angry about this. Bea did more rude shit (took down a memorial I set up) and I don't talk to her anymore.

I had addressed the Veil with her after the fact and she apologized, but I don't feel like she ment it and thought I was policing her.

I just want to stop being angry about Bea. I want to stop caring this happened at all. "Hot Goth Mommies" will forever piss me off.

The other day I went out for a hike after work. It's short trail, about 2 miles and 450 feet of vert. It's my favorite one to do after work, or when recovering from an illness. In my case, I'm still getting back into shape after a total hysterectomy, bisalpingoopherectomy, appendectomy, and excision of endometriosis. So I'm in early-ish menopause at 45. I'm a year out from surgery, but rebuilding my whole self is a multi-year project.

So I'm out hiking. I make it to the top of the little peak where's there's a nice bench for me to look up at the mountains. I've got my ballcap and sunglasses on, headphones in, and I am eating a fantastic local peach. In other words, living my best life. I also want to note that at this time, my entire sensory array is occupied.

I'm finishing up the peach when a man appears in my field of view, moving his mouth. I assume that this must mean important information is being conveyed. You know what they say about assuming. I took my headphones out.

This guy is just yapping to me about how I'm in grave danger of being rained on. "I've been doing this hike for 40 years, and have been here hundreds of times." "Yes dude, I have also been here many times, probably over 100." He just keeps yappin'. I try to interrupt again. "My dude, I have hiked the Colorado Trail, I understand the weather, and I am fine."

"Well, I have more miles than you do."

Ladies, I straight up lost my shit. I have indeed hiked the CT, and the Arctic Circle Trail, and most of the Colorado 14ers, and many, many, many backpacking trips, more than a few solo. I'm equipped for the rain, and anyways I do not really care if I get a little wet on a 2 mile hike. So what. Skin is waterproof, last I checked.

"I didn't ask for your help, why don't you fuck off?"

"OK, I'm gone!"

Yes, begone. WHY people feel the need to bother women out alone, I will never understand.

On the hike down, I was reflecting on another similar experience I had, and realized it was the same dude! I was hiking the trail after my ACL reconstruction, and leaning on my trekking poles quite a bit and this older dude stops me and yaps about proper hiking pole use.

When I came home and told my husband about the other afternoon, he says, "Was it the trekking pole guy??" Love that my #1 listens and takes joy in skewering guys like this, too.

The meal is Costco rotisserie chicken (I ate all the skin off of it yesterday, it was delicious), smoked paprika roasted potatoes, and roasted asparagus, with a NA negroni spritz. Having endo sucks, I can't drink anymore without feeling like dogcrap, but sometimes I want a fancy sparkly pink drink, you know?

PS It never rained